Green Room (2015) – Film Review by Max Coulson

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10/10

Holy fucking shit!

As much as I loved Blue Ruin, there was a small part of me that was worried Jeremy Saulnier wouldn’t be able to live up to his previous effort with this movie.  Fortunately, this film managed to leave me stunned.

If there is a singular phrase I could use to describe both Blue Ruin and Green Room, it would be “Jeremy Saulnier films that both have colours in the title.”  But if I were to offer a second phrase to describe both these movies, it would be “painfully tense.”

Green Room’s premise is very simple; a punk band booked to play at a far-right skinhead club happen apon a murder scene and, as a result, the club owner now wants them killed so that there were no witnesses.

The bulk of the movie, as the name implies, is set in the green room of the club – as well as a couple of other rooms.  Some could draw comparisons with Tarantino’s Hateful Eight, except that movie has the ever-saving aspect of Tarantino’s dialogue, which is hard to ever find boring.

This movie has nothing quite as snappy, nor does it really have any levity.  What really makes this movie work is the constant feeling of impending dread, along with the full knowledge that the characters aren’t going to be saved by tropes or dramatic conveniences.

This is a film that plays with your expectations and, while I really don’t want to spoil anything about this movie, I can promise you that this film won’t play out like most other thrillers.

The real standout performance of the film is, predictably, Patrick Stewart.  While everyone left me impressed (Anton Yelchin and Imogen Poots had some great back and forth chemistry), Stewart’s very calm and calculated villain character managed to be chilling but also totally believable.

Without a doubt, I recommend this film.  Just don’t go expecting a fun little popcorn flick.

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Let’s talk Power Rangers

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I guess it’s time for me to talk about my thoughts about the new Power Rangers suits…

…They look kinda cool.  I think the movie’s probably going to blow chunks, but the suits do actually look alright.  I’m hearing a lot of Iron Man comparisons but, personally, I don’t really see it – beyond the sleek and shiny look that pretty much all big budget sci-fi action has, since Michael Bay pretty much transformed the visual landscape of summer blockbusters.

That’s just the thing, though.  They look like modern sci-fi action re-imaginings of the original Rangers…  which, while it may look cool, doesn’t really gel with what the TV show was all about.
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Crucially, this will not be a martial arts movie. These suits are probably going to pretty much only exist as CGI models and, in keeping with most blockbusters, most of the battles will be very large-scale – with more of a focus on city wide destruction than beating up putty patrollers.
 
Honestly,  the movie may not actually be all that bad – but probably not for me. What I loved about Power Rangers was that it got me interested in martial arts films and kaiju movies – two things I am still a huge fan of, today.
While Power Rangers obviously will no longer fill the much needed void of Kung-Fu movies for kids – I hope something else will.
Maybe someone should reboot the 3 Ninjas franchise…
Actually, never mind – that’s an awful idea.

Ghostbusters Reboot – Calm the fuck down!

Look, I haven’t seen the new Ghostbusters and I probably won’t until it happens to come on TV or I’m round a friend’s house, and they play it on Netflix.  I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed a remake/reboot, with the slight exception of the Force Awakens, and the trailer looked pretty fucking awful.

Still – even though it looks like the sort of film I would hate, it isn’t completely unimaginable that some people will give it mildly decent reviews.

I just watched MovieBob’s review of the film and, holy shit!  I expected there to be some fanboy rage in the comments section, but the number of people making the assertion that Bob and anyone else who gives the film a positive review has been “paid off” is fucking mental.

Y’know, it is actually possible that this movie you refused to see isn’t quite as terrible as you assumed it would be, right?  Or, that you saw and hated it, but other people might not?

Movies are subjective!  ESPECIALLY comedies, since humour varies so radically from person to person.  There is no way to quantify that shit, so stop assuming anyone with a different sense of humour to you is the result of some huge conspiracy.

Yes, I agree that this film was a dumb move considering how beloved the original film was. Yes, the movie’s marketing campaign relied too much on “if you don’t want this remake to happen then you are a sexist.”   Yes, the trailer looked fucking horrendous.  Yes, I will probably really hate the movie – considering the fact that I don’t think Feig/Apatow style runaway improv comedy can gel with high-concept action and sci-fi plots, that are dependent on a more traditional three act structure.

However, the elements of the film that will probably really bug me will sit fine with other people – and something tells me that the New World Order has absolutely nothing to do with that fact.

Everybody needs to stop being so fucking stupid.

The Human Centipede 3 – Film Review by Max Coulson

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7/10

Well, it took him two botched attempts, but Tom Six finally made a Human Centipede movie I’m likely to re-watch.

I put off watching this movie for a while, mainly because the series always left me feeling underwhelmed.  From the incredibly tame first entry, to the surprisingly dull shock-fest that was the second entry – the series just did nothing to elevate itself past its initial gimmick.

But this movie…  this movie is fucking awesome.

The film stars Dieter Laser and Laurence R. Harvey, who were the antagonists of Human Centipedes 1 & 2, respectively.  The actors, however, are not reprising their roles from the previous entries.  Instead, the film centres around prison warden Bill Boss (Laser) and Dwight (Harvey), his accountant.

The two main characters run a failing prison and, taking inspiration from watching the first two Human Centipede movies, decide to sew the entire prison together, arse to mouth, in order to create the world’s first human prison centipede.

What really separates this movie from the previous entries is that Bill Boss is a perfectly disgusting and thoroughly entertaining villain.  Laser was clearly having loads of fun in the role, because he plays it with such over-the-top intensity that he never ceases to be fun to watch.

This is a character who, at one point, castrates a prisoner and then orders his balls be cooked up for his lunch.  We’re then treated to a shot of him eating a pair of cooked testicles with a knife and fork, with the addition of salt and pepper, naturally.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing pleasant about this film.  As black humour goes, you can’t get any blacker.  There’s something about this film’s humour that’s so black, it’s like – how much more black could this be? And the answer is none.  None more black.

I do feel as though the lack of any escape from the general unpleasantness really would kill the humour in this film, were it not for the performances of Laser and Harvey – who really do manage to turn what could’ve been a dirgey slog of a movie, into an absolute romp.

The only low-point for the movie is during Tom Six’s cameo as himself, which end up being too meta for my taste.

Basically, this is a fairly slickly directed, darkly comedic homage to Nazisploitation and prison movies of the 1970’s.   It isn’t a perfect movie – but it is a lot of fun.

I might just stop bothering to recommend movies at the end of these.  I’m sure after reading this, you’ll know whether or not you’ll want to watch it.